Illness.

I feel incredibly sick.
My stomach hurts and I've been freezing all day, and have the shakes.
I find it absolutely ridiculous and irritating that my nerves and anxiety can make me physically ill.
I'm tired of letting my stupid feelings and sensitivity control my life. I went through the day, hardly present in my surroundings. Staring wide-eyed and mostly lost at everyone, and slowly scrawling my notes down about democracies. I just remember being absolutely scared. I couldn't tell you a single thing I actually said today.
It all started last night, seemingly paused while I slept, and came back as soon as I awoke. I was in an inconceivable amount of pain this morning, popping Midol and Advil (the only things I could find), three full doses in two hours. It didn't go away though. When I got on the bus, I put on my iPod and stared out into the cold scenery, at all the mounds of dirty snow, and all the hopeless, frantic people living their lives in a futile repetition of tasks. I immediately began to cry. Is this all we're really here for? To live unhappily for most of our lives, doing things we're told and not really having time to do the things that make us happy, and then to die completely alone with no real proof that there is life after death? To live in fear of someday not existing, but to go about doing things in a rush, doing things to earn credit, earn money, earn a name for ourselves. Earn a living. How do you earn a living? I thought that when we are born, we have the right to life, and to live as we please? But there are so many standards to be met in order to "survive." Nothing here makes sense.
But somehow I managed to find something so stunningly real, in this vast world that makes me feel so insignificant. Somehow you ended up in my life. It's a bittersweet truth. You and I did not meet until two years ago. We had already lived at least a fourth of our lives before we even met. I wish I could have known you before then, and maybe prevented some of this stuff from happening.
As you said: "You are it... I just wish I figured that out sooner."

So here we are,
in the midst of all this-
endless chaotic gloom,
looking for some spark
in the suffocating dark.
Separate cities,
and miles apart. 

Will we ever hold hands again?