We're just a million little gods causing rain storms...

...turning every good thing to rust.

(That quote is a line from the song Wake Up by Arcade Fire.)



I cause way too many problems for myself.
I realize now that I first need to get over my own insecurities, ones I've really always had, for anything to ever get better for me and the people I surround myself with.

Problem: I don't know how to go about doing that.



These days all I ever think about is college, and deciding what I want to do is quite stressful for me. All I can really think is that I want to be as close to him as possible. But, at the same time, I don't want to limit my opportunities. However, I feel like if I was, say, at the same school or something, I'd be overall a much happier person, and more inclined to do my work.
But, it could go the complete opposite direction as well. Who really knows?

I guess I just need to think more about everything. I'm really trying here. I just need help.


Also...
Friends are hard to keep around. I hardly see any of them anymore. But, I spent my Saturday night surrounded by a lot of people. I never really realized how much I liked these people.
Then after that, I rode in a car with a rarely-seen friend and someone I had never really talked to before. We went to Sonic. She payed for my slushie and my cheese fries. My best friend showed up and we danced in the parking lot. I wasn't wearing any shoes. We sang the Yeah Yeah Yeahs at the top of our lungs at a stoplight.

I need to do that more often, I think.
And I need to live up to my words this time.

Next time I want to see someone, I'm gonna do it. No more second thoughts or changed plans.
It's not all talk this time.