For Real.

Today has been a whirlwind.

Utterly confusing, uplifting, inspiring, demanding, and altogether exhausting.
It has been filled with feelings of despair, followed by immense relief.

I went out tonight with a friend of mine who, strangely, I have never hung out with before.
We listened to Paramore. I was proud of him for knowing the words to at least three of the songs. It seems he isn't totally oblivious to music outside the world of FM Radio (We'll see what he does when I let him listen to Fanfarlo.) We went to the mall. We are complete opposites, but in some strange way we understand each other. Odd as it would seem to some outside observer, we had fun. I dragged him into some girly store where the only men there were interested in other men, or worked there- he attracts guys, for some reason. We laughed about the awkwardness of him waiting for me to get my clothes and let him go into the preppy stores. I was more attracted to the more eccentric stores, while he was into all the stores with obvious billboard-esque branding all over every article of clothing, straight down to the socks. Which, admittedly, I sort of liked, in certain forms. And he, admittedly, liked some of the things I was looking at as well. It all worked out, I suppose.
(I made him try on some skinny jeans. That was an experience I'm sure neither of us will EVER forget.)
Today I bought:

• Pop-Rocks (Strawberry)...I ate them in the car on the way to Barnes and Noble, giggling nonstop
• Jones Soda Cola Fizzing Candy... I really like fizzy, popping candy
• A shirt/dress with big colorful stripes that reminds me of nautical flags
• A gray knit sweater with a big picture of a cherry on it 
• Black knock-off Wayfarers (I MISSED HAVING THEM SO MUCH, last ones broke)
• "Just Kids" by Patti Smith, which I cannot wait to read. I read an excerpt from it in Rolling Stone two months ago and I have been anxiously waiting for it to hit the shelves.
• The fourth fleece jacket of it's kind in my friend's closet, bought it for him. This one's blue. He has a red one, a white one, a black one, and now a blue one. I think I may have some of his relatives come after me now. 
• Some type of gag-candy that looks like a big bag of blood, for my friend to give as a gift. It is really quite terrifyingly realistic. Transfusion, anyone? Fruity! *He says he will pay me back on Monday. Which, I don't much mind. But alright sure.*
• Two Starbucks drinks. I got a Green Tea Frappe, he got some Iced Mocha deal. I dunno, I just like how vibrantly green and repulsive looking mine is, because it is so unexpectedly DELICIOUS. No one ever asks for a sip, due to appearance.

There is nothing like shopping to bring out a rambling stream of thought conversation for the ride home- I talked this kid into silence. And that, no offense to him, is not easy to do.
He has good opinions, and good input on things. We talked about college, and about our relationships.

Which brings me to my next topic from today.
Things are going to get better for my boyfriend and I.
This time, I can feel it. It's really going to happen. I trust him much more than I ever have, and love him more every single second. Tonight we both had plans of our own, and I believe we both had a good night. I'm still waiting for the signal from him to call. I can't wait to talk to him.
I know you read this, dear.
I am proud of you, you know. For how far you've come.
I am promising to you, in front of the whole internet-affiliated world, that I am going to make all of those beautiful daydreams about our future come true.
We can do this.

I read the most beautiful book in Barnes and Noble. It was a short little book. It was on the Valentine's Day display shelf, and I was drawn to the cover, because it depicted two cartoon dinosaurs, much like to two I had drawn for Daniel in a children's book for Christmas. So, I read it. It talked about how the dinosaur was in his cage of ice, and how another dinosaur, called the lovely dinosaur, came along and melted the big block of ice with kind words. They fell in love. They realized each other's flaws, but accepted them. Then it told everyone to be more loving, and to act like the two dinosaurs, because the world is warm and full of light.
I nearly cried.

I love you, Daniel.
Let's be dinosaurs.