My Mental Record...Starts to Skip

I think something is broken.

I can hardly remember things these days. This whole past week is a blur.
All freeze-frames and blurry faces, and the Charlie Brown teacher's voice is everyone's voice in my mind.
Except you.

With you, it is different.
With you, I remember every single solitary detail. Every word.
Every motion, every sound.
I remember the pace of your heart and when you held my left ring finger and made a silent pinkie promise.

I think I am broken.

I hurt you ceaselessly, and in my mind I know it is wrong, and that I am saying things I don't mean.
We both need help.
But this is something that I am terrified of.
This is something that I have never experienced.
This thing has got to stop.
I don't know if it's from the pills.
Maybe I've always been this way.
But it needs to go away.

Truth:
I hate saying goodbye to you.
I hate watching you leave my driveway.
I hate being without you.
I hate when I hurt you.
I hate me.

I am the sole reason nothing works right.
But please. Please. Please believe me when I tell you that I am trying to change it.